


Accidentally, Or By Fate Designed

by WittyWallflower



Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: Accidental Kiss, Accidental Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, accidental date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2019-11-08 22:30:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17989703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WittyWallflower/pseuds/WittyWallflower
Summary: A series of accidental moments take Penelope and Schneider from friends to lovers.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1: accidental kiss on the cheek

Her phone vibrated in her pocket for the third time in two minutes but Penelope was too busy to check it. She didn’t need to. A few seconds later a voice called her from the living room.

“ _Ay, Lupita, dale!_ Leslie is here to pick you up!” Her mother hurrying her along.

Sometimes Penelope questioned the wisdom of adding Dr. B to the family group text.

“I’m coming, _mami!_ ” she yelled back.

She zipped her overnight bag shut, shoving the last of her toiletries inside. She was starting regret agreeing to accompany Dr. Berkowitz to this medical conference. Did an NP even belong in a room full of doctors and academics? But Leslie got so intimidated by his more confident peers that he hated going alone. Usually that _bobo_ Scott went with just for the free food, but he tended to abandon his boss as soon as he met a pretty podiatrist at the hotel bar.

Of course Dr. B waited until the last minute to mention the conference is at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, in January. So instead of having time to pack at a leisurely pace, have breakfast with her kids before she left, and read the paper the keynote speaker had written, Penelope had spent all morning running around, trying to find someplace to buy snow gear in California where she could spend less than $200 for a coat she’d never wear again. Thanks to LA traffic, she had made it home with only 45 minutes to hastily throw everything into a bag before she left for the airport.

“Okay,” she said as she rushed into the living room to collect her purse and say her goodbyes.

She was more than a little nervous about leaving her kids for 4 whole days, even if they were teenagers who could keep themselves alive and (mostly) out of trouble. Lydia and Schneider would look after them, but she would miss seeing Elena and Alex every day.

“Dr. Berkowitz and I both have our cell phones and I packed an extra charger, but the number for the hotel and the conference hall are both on the fridge so call if you need _anything_.”

Slinging her bags over her shoulder, she felt her phone buzz again and heard the distant sound of a car horn downstairs. Time to hustle.

 _“Mami_ ,” she scuttled over to her mother, gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek, ‘don’t forget to take your pills or I will tell Leslie you need someone to follow you around to remind you.”

Lydia enjoyed her platonic companion’s company but when it came to clucking around like a mother hen, he was worse than a Cuban. Frankly, they spent enough time together as it was. So the threat was effective.

“Fly safe, Lupe.” she smiled and gave her daughter a little shove to get her moving.

Alex stood beside his _abuelita_ and was next to get a hug from Penelope. She ruffled his hair and gave him a kiss on the cheek despite his sigh of teenage annoyance. She warned him to be good, to mind his sister and grandmother and Schneider. She was worried to leave her baby boy alone but with two inches of height on her now, he definitely was not a baby anymore. Penelope reassured herself for the 12th time that he’d be okay without her, she wouldn’t be gone long.

“Elena,” Penelope leaned over the back of the couch where her daughter was sitting to give her a kiss too. “Syd can come over when I’m gone, but only if an adult is home and the bedroom door stays open, yeah?”

“I know, _mami_ ,” Elena’s tone was slightly exasperated but when she looked up at her mom, there was only honest affection on her face. “You better go now or you wont make it through security before your plane takes off.”

She was right and Penelope couldn’t delay any longer, no matter how much she wanted to pause and drink in the sight of her family that she loved so much. She rushed for the door, which Schneider obligingly held open for her.

“Okay everyone, be safe, be smart, stay out of trouble and don’t set anything on fire.” She returned the smile he gave her before she remembered one last thing. “ _Ay_ , Schneider, the fan in my bedroom has been making that scary whirring sound again, can you take a look for me please?”

Schneider didn’t get a chance to answer. Penelope smacked a hasty kiss on his cheek as well and was gone, sprinting for the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. Bemused, he shut the door behind her. _Well, that was new._

Penelope was settled into the passenger seat of Dr. B’s car before her actions caught up with her and she realized she had doled out more kisses than she had relatives to receive them. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2\. accidental kiss

The building was quiet but Penelope's mind was loud. It was late but she was sitting up awake in bed and battling an anxiety attack, trying not to think too much about how she was going to afford college for Elena. Not to mention that Alex needed a new cello. Before she could also spiral into pessimistic hypotheticals about her _mami'_ s health and the potential costs that could come with it she was startled from her thoughts by a thump from above. A low clatter was followed by a shuffling sound.

Penelope's bedroom was directly underneath Schneider's. It made for some interesting, and annoying, nights sometimes. She knew things she really didn't need to know about the man's stamina. But he usually confined his 'activities' to the weekends. And that hadn't sounded like a headboard banging against a wall.

She thought about texting him since he was clearly awake. Maybe if she talked things out, she could relax enough to get some rest. Schneider had a knack for saying the right thing to help her de-escalate, cracking just the right joke to break the tension while still taking her problems seriously. But she couldn't keep going to him in the middle of the night, it wasn't fair to him, or any of the women he brought home that she never saw again. She decided to scoot down under the covers and try to get some sleep. With a sigh Penelope snuggled into her pillow.

The next sound was a distant shatter of breaking glass. Penelope's eyes popped open and she's out the door, halfway up the stairs before she realizes it. Her instincts, both mom and combat trained, had kicked in something fierce. She certainly hadn't had the presence of mind to consciously decide to go check on Schneider, let alone think of grabbing her slippers and bathrobe on her way. Belting the sash snug as she made it to his door, she heard a muffled curse from inside.

Penelope knocked but didn't wait before sticking her head inside. Schneider was standing by the window, bare chested in plaid pajama pants. His hair was rumpled in a way that made him look 10 years younger even with the dark shadow of beard. His bright blue eyes were squinting at her. Or in her general direction anyway.

"It's me,' Penelope identified herself, knowing he couldn't see as far as the door without his glasses.

"Pen?" His brow creased "What's wrong? Do you need more dogs wearing wigs?"

The tender concern on his earnest face lit a soft glow inside Penelope. Most people would object to being intruded on in the middle of the night. Schneider never had. Even when he had one of those leggy women spending the night, he would sit her down on the couch and listen for as long as she needed to talk. He made her feel good. Safe. And that's why she kept coming to him after midnight, when every part of her hated showing weakness by needing someone.

"No, I just couldn't sleep," she answered. "Guess you can't either. I thought I heard something break, wanted to come make sure everything was okay."

Schneider nodded, pensive.  _She heard the sound of shattering glass and came running to make sure the alcoholic hadn't gotten his hands on a bottle_ , he thought. He'd been awake brooding and the black cloud still hung over him. He looked down at the mess at his feet.

"Guess I better get this cleaned up."

Rounding the couch, Penelope spied a fractured snowglobe on the floor. Among the shards of glass was a wet lump of fake snow, his bare feet,... and several drops of blood.

"Schneider... no, don't move. Hold on, let me..." Penelope glanced around and spied his desk chair. She wheeled it over, shuffling carefully even with slippers to protect her from the broken glass. "Sit down, keep your feet up."

She ran to the bathroom for the First Aid kit she insisted Schneider keep well stocked if the kids were going to hang out at his place. Returning with it, she had to put all her weight into shoving the chair and Schneider out of the mess so she had some room to work. Once clear she knelt in front of him, draping a large sterile pad over her lap, and gently took hold of his foot.

It wasn't too bad. Only few small pieces of glass that were easily tweezed out. It shouldn't take long to get the cuts cleaned up and bandaged but she hadn't factored in how ticklish Schneider's feet apparently were. She knew he was doing his best not to squirm but he was still kinda being a big baby about it. Finally, when he gave a spasmodic twitch and unintentionally kicked her in the boob, she had to threaten to tie him to the chair until she was finished with him. Schneider cleared his throat and swallowed heavily, but that seemed to have shut him up and settle him right down.

When finished, Penelope packed up the first aid supplies and snapped the kit shut. She gave him a pat on the knee, then looked at the pieces of the shattered globe. There was a familiar photograph, now sopping wet, of her family in the ruins. She reached out to pluck it free. She couldn't remember why it had seemed so strange the first time she had seen it there. Why it had ever seemed strange for Schneider to have mementos of her family. On a lot of levels, it was way less weird than her _mami_ hanging pictures of Popes that had died before Lydia was even born.

Penelope held out the ruined photo to him.

Schneider winced, always a little embarrassed to be caught out in his adoration of the Alvarez family. He knew it was a little weird to be displaying family photos for someone else's family. But when he looked up he didn't see any judgement or derision in Penelope's face. Just a sad, sweet smile. Taking the picture from her, he looked at it for a long moment then gestured to the broken globe it had resided in.

"It was my favorite one." His attempt at a smile lasted only a second.

He had some really nice snowglobes if you like that kinda thing, Penelope knew. Expensive ones too, with crystals and gold leaf and music boxes that play Mozart or Handel. But she really was not surprised by which one he had liked best.

Unsure what to say, she stood beside him and rubbed his back comfortingly. After a few moments she suggested he get back to bed.

"Even if you can't sleep, its better to stay off your feet while the bleeding stops."

With a nod he stood, Penelope hovering besides him all the way to the bedroom in case he needed her to lean on. But he didn't seem to feel any pain from his feet. In truth, he hadn't even noticed the cuts until she had started fussing over them. Schneider was seated on the mattress before he realized he was still holding the damp photo. He set it down on his nightstand next to his glasses, where it would be the first thing he saw in the morning. Rubbing the back of his neck, he sighed.

Penelope sat down next to him on the bed.

"I know why I can't sleep but why are you up this late?"

He only shrugged in response. There was so much on his mind he didn't even know where to begin. She reached over and took his hand in both of hers.

"You can talk to me. You know that."

Of course he knew that. Penelope had seen every ugly side of him and had never shied away. She made herself vulnerable by opening up to him and he tried to reciprocate that. Right now he just didn't know what to say.

"It's just..." He waved a hang vaguely, groping for the words to explain his tangled mess of emotions, without having to reiterate every terrible thing he'd ever done. "It's everything. You know? All of it. Its way too much to get into, and I don't know what to say. And its not that I don't want to talk to you about it. And I did think about texting you but its so late and -"

He was starting to babble. Worse, she could feel his heart-rate increasing where her fingers rested against his wrist. If he got all worked up now, he'd never get any rest.

"Hey. It's okay." She shushed him gently, freeing one hand to stroke the back of his neck. "It's a lot, I know. No pressure. The words will come; we can talk when they do. Whenever you need me, I'm here. Okay?"

Schneider nodded and bowed his head, the tension easing from his muscles. The obvious relief he felt at not facing his demons tonight made her ache for the pain she knew he'd feel when he did have to deal with them again. Resting her cheek against his shoulder, her hand roamed over his back and neck in soothing strokes. They sat in silence together until a yawn caught Schneider.

Head still pillowed against him, she raised her eyes to look up at her best friend. His scruff was darker than usual, the shadow long past 5 o'clock. His red eyes were staring morosely at the wall in front of him and weighed down with bags under them that had her wondering how many nights he'd been up this late. If she had to, she would tuck him in herself and sing him Spanish lullabies until she was sure he was asleep. Then she'd unplug his alarm clock so he stayed that way as long as possible.

"Time to lay down," she said with a soft pat on his lower back. Penelope leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, but paused halfway there. 

That kinda thing had happened a couple more times since the day she was rushing to leave for the airport. It was always in a family setting when she was doling out hugs and kisses to everyone. Having set the precedent of including him, it felt like too pointed a rejection to exclude him in moments when the whole family was celebrating something. Schneider had looked surprised the second time she had done it. The third time he had leaned down a little to receive it, obviously ecstatic to be lumped in with Lydia, Elena, and Alex.

But this situation, tonight? It just felt different when it was the two of them. Alone. On his bed. With him half naked.

But he was just her best friend. And she was just offering her best friend comfort, right?

While she was trying to decide if she was going to follow through or pull away, Schneider turned his head to acknowledge her.

She had been close already with her cheek pressed against him, but now she was Right There.

Their lips barely brushed at first. It was their mutual jolts of surprised that pressed their mouths firmly together.

They both froze. Neither moved as long seconds ticked by.

Neither deepened the kiss, but neither moved away.

Penelope fully registered how truly intimate the scene was with the lights low and the bed beneath them. When had her fingers ceased patting his back and slipped around to cup the side of his neck instead? Shocked to realize she was lightly caressing his skin now, she pulled back abruptly.

Both were breathing hard, staring at each other. Schneider's hand was poised mid-air, fingers waiting to sooth the itch to run themselves through her curls. He awkwardly lowered his hand back to his lap, looking down at it and finally breaking the charged eye contact between them.

Penelope blinked, clearing her throat and inhaling raggedly, feeling like she had just come up for air after diving deep underwater. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she tried to figure out how to address what had just happened between them. But like Schneider only moments ago, words were failing her. So she decided on a hasty retreat, leaving the issue for Future Penelope to deal with.

"Get some sleep." She casually patted him on the knee as she stood, trying hard to return to normality. Whatever normal even was in a world where she had just kissed Schneider.

If her smile as she wished him goodnight and let herself out was a little forced, it was at least bright enough for Schneider to tell she wasn't angry. Beyond that, he had no idea how to read the situation. It was just an accident, he was sure of that. Did she know that? Did she think he was trying to make a move on her? But that seemed like something that _would_ make her mad. At the very least, she would have given him a sock in the shoulder for being gross. Like she usually did when he playfully flirted with her. She hadn't punched him though. Hadn't pushed him away. Hadn't pulled back herself.

Even now his skin tingled where she had unconsciously dragged a soft fingertip over his collarbone.

 

It was not a situation he ever expected to find himself in with Penelope.

 

Her reaction was one he never could have seen coming.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> accidental date, pt 1

  
  


Schneider let himself into the apartment where Penelope was folding a basket of laundry. She greeted him but didn’t look up from her task until she noticed the lack of his usual chatter. Glancing his way, she saw him scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Hey Penelope,” he returned her greeting belatedly. “You, uh, you got any plans for Thursday?”

“You mean Valentine’s Day?” she asked pointedly. They both knew she wasn’t seeing anyone.

That moment in his bedroom a week ago had been buried in silence by unspoken agreement. But she couldn’t help thinking about it now, in the face of his question.

“Yeah, I, uh, had reservations at this place that's supposed to be great, and they were kinda hard to get so I don’t want to just give them up even though I originally got them for me and Avery,” he said.

“And you’re inviting me instead?” So he wasn’t trying to ask her out after the kiss. Still, Valentine's day?

“All of you, actually,” he clarified ”I mean, anyone who can come. I figured Lydia and Doctor B would be down for it, and Alex. Elena's invited too of course. I figured she probably has plans with Syd but both of them could come if they want. The more the merrier!”

Penelope wrinkled her nose slightly. Seemed a little weird. Valentine Day was for couples, and not couples with their entire family as chaperones, which she wouldn't wish on Elena and Syd. Penelope had been planning to ignore Valentine’s day this year.

“Could be fun.” Schneider shrugged with a persuasive grin. “Besides, don’t I owe you guys a few meals after all the dinners I’ve crashed?”

“Its not exactly 'crashing' when a place has been set for you.” Penelope pointed out.

A place was always set for him at their table. He didn’t take advantage of it nearly as often as he wanted to but he also wasn’t shy about dropping in any hour of the day. It wasn't always easy to believe that they were actually happy to see him. But he wasn't an intrusion. Her subtle reminder of that they were made him smile.

“C’mon, Pen. Let me do this for the family. You know I love you guys. What better day to show it?” His eyebrows drooped in a pleading expression.

“All right,” she consented. “We’ll see who is free. What kinda place is it? You know you won't get my  _mami_  anywhere vegan.”

“Nothing like that. Its a really trendy place right now,  _everyone_  is trying to get a table, waiting list 6 months long for a reservation. I hear the food is amazing. It’s pretty fancy. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

She considered for a moment then shrugged.

“I’m not sure Alex will love it but I don’t think the rest of us will mind. It can be fun to get all glitzed up and I have a really nice dress I haven’t worn yet.” Her smiled turned a little melancholy. “I was saving it for Valentine’s Day with Max actually. Then when we didn’t get there, I just put it away in the back of the closet cuz it was a reminder of how that all didn’t work out.”

“Maybe you should wear it," he suggested gently "Make some fun memories in it, then it wont look so depressing when you see it hanging there.”

Schneider was a continual surprise when it came to giving good advice.

“Not a bad idea." She had to admit "It’s kinda slinky though, might be weird to wear out with the kids.”

“They’ve seen you dressed up before. Elena’s quinces comes to mind.” He cleared his throat, trying not to dwell on the memory of  _that_  dress too much. “Bring a wrap or something in case you get uncomfortable, but you deserve to feel foxy and fierce!”

“Fierce? What are you, Tyra Banks?” she teased.

He just grinned that serene Schneider grin of his. It was impossible to embarrass the man. He was never the least bit insecure of his less than traditionally masculine hobbies, like watching America’s Next Top Model or Spanish soap operas.

“Speaking of Elena’s quinces…” she said, “you should wear that suit. It was a good one.”

“Yeah?” Schneider was a little surprised by the suggestion. More so by the fact that she had made note of the suit when he wore it, given everything that was going on at the time. “I was thinking the black suit.”

“The business-y one you wore when you father was here?” Penelope wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Nah, the blue suits you better. Brings out your eyes.”

He grinned, pleased by the knowledge she had noticed his eyes and found them nice to look at. He wasn’t being vain in admitting to being an attractive man. It had just never seemed to mean much to Penelope. Aside from that one “weirdly sexy” comment the blue suit had inspired.

Penelope rolled her eyes when he began to preen; a direct compliment was often an invitation for Schneider to start his outrageous flirting. But he just smiled a pleased smile at her.

“All right,” he agreed. There was no way he could possibly wear any other suit now. “I’ll be back down for dinner and we can ask everyone else what they think.”

  
Later that night most of the family agreed that a meal out together would be fun. Lydia enjoyed Leslie’s company but didn’t want to encourage him to hope for more from their relationship. She was happy to agree to group activity for the both of them; if she didn’t he would probably plan a day of romance she couldn’t reciprocate (but definitely was not above enjoying to the fullest). As expected, Elena has promised to take Syd to Benihaha this year and was not about to break that promise even for a free meal at a famous restaurant. Alex was initially reluctant to think a night out with a bunch of adults was any better than staying home dateless. But when Elena pointed out that various celebrities at been seen at the uber trendy eatery, he was excited to go for the chance to see someone famous and maybe even get a shot for the Finsta.

 

* * *

  
  


The venue was in the Hills, the opposite direction as home from the clinic. So Penelope arranged to meet everyone else there after her shift. On Thursday went into work with her dress in a garment bag and her makeup in her purse. The others would carpool in Schneider’s Range Rover. It felt weird changing into such a nice dress in the locker room at work but it wasn’t long before she was buckling the strap on her heels and heading for the parking lot.

Traffic was more or less cooperative and she arrived right on the dot. Stepping inside, she saw Schneider waiting to be seated and crossed to his side. He greeted her with a small side hug and she looked around. He was standing alone.

 

“Where’s everyone else?” she asked.

 

“Dr. B surprised Lydia with tickets to ' _La forma del camino'.”_ Schneider explained her mother’s absence. He almost got the accent right; his Spanish kept improving. “She wanted to come to dinner first but the opera is playing down in San Diego. They’re probably on their way down the 5 by now.”

 

 _Well,_  Penelope shrugged to herself, _that explain_ _s_ _why Dr Berkowitz left so early._  She wasn’t too surprised. Despite her  _mami_ ’s insistence that Leslie accepted their platonic status, she knew the doctor wasn’t about to let Valentine’s day pass without some kinda romance.

 

“And  _papito_?” Penelope asked as the hostess arrived to lead them to their table.

 

“He’s got a last-minute date. With Chloe.” Schneider said significantly.

 

“Chloe? I thought that was over a while ago.”

 

“Apparently he bought a flower to give her in school today. That was all it took.”

 

Schneider spread his hands wide, as if to say he had nothing to do with it. If Penelope wasn’t focused on threading her way through the tables, her eagle eyes definitely would have spotted the lie behind the gesture. But Schneider hadn’t been  _trying_  to get Alex a date for tonight, he’d just offered some general romantic advice. “Give her flowers” was a pretty basic tip to offer anyone. 

 

Penelope shook her head. Her son was too charming for his own good sometimes. She couldn’t help but be glad though. The deck was stacked against him enough as a Latino; all that charisma would help him go farther in life. Though hopefully he wasn’t going too far with his little girlfriend.

 

They arrived at the table and Penelope unwrapped her pashmina from around her shoulders. Draping it over the back of her chair, she shook out the skirts of her dress to smooth the few wrinkles from the ride over. She looked up at Schneider and froze in the act of tossing her curls back over her shoulder.

 

Schneider was gaping at her, eyes wide behind his glasses and mouth hanging open as he took her in. She smirked at a little, knowing she looked good. Then she fisted one hand on her hip when he continued staring dazedly at her longer than was appropriate.

 

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” She snarked at him.

 

Schneider shook his head to pull himself back from his fugue state. He hunched his shoulders self-consciously, apologetic and half-expecting a smack for ogling her like that.

 

“Sorry, you just.. you, uh, you look amazing,” he managed to stutter out.

 

She really did, so he couldn’t help smiling a little as he said it. He kept his eyes above the neck; the deep V of the neckline that nearly reached her navel was dangerous territory. But there was no less beauty above it. Her curls were worn long and they gleamed even in the low mood lighting around them. She had thrown on some makeup after her day at work, but didn’t bother with anything too complicated. The deep ruby matte lipstick made her lips pop and pulled all the eye’s focus, it would have been a waste of time trying to wing her eyeliner to go with it.

 

She was wearing her good earrings too. The gems weren’t large but were set in real platinum. They were a gift from Victor very early on in their marital problems. Penelope had told him off for trying to bribe his way out of trouble but he had insisted they were a genuine apology. After the divorce she considered pawning them but by then they felt like a reward for putting up with all the shit she had been through. Maybe it was petty but Penelope especially liked to wear them when she went on dates, knowing Victor never intended they be worn to attract other men.

 

Schneider knew this because he could spot the difference between quality jewelry and the more (not 'cheap', because he knew Penelope hated that word)…  _frugal_  stuff that she could get at Target. Naturally curious by such out-of-place bling on his bestie, he’d asked about it. While he definitely approved of the idea of revenge jewelry, he had been glad he hadn’t been close enough to most women to give them gifts like that.

 

They definitely suited Penelope at the moment. The restaurant was chic and reeked of money, right down to the menus with no prices listed. But Penelope looked like she belonged here, with diamonds in her ears and her elegant purple gown flowing to the floor and making her look like a regal queen. If she had dressed at home with Lydia around, she definitely wouldn’t have been allowed out the door without a tiara. And it wouldn’t look out of place in the least.

 

Schneider shook his head again. He’d been staring, again. Clearing his throat, he stepped forward to pull out her chair for her.

 

Penelope froze as he approached, looking up at him as he moved in close. She almost spoke up to say… something, she wasn’t sure what, when she heard the soft scrape of her chair moving. That explained his sudden nearness. She ducked her head as she sat, fussing with her skirt for the excuse to hide the blush on her face. In that second of proximity, her mind had immediately leaped to the Kinda Kiss, as she had come to think of it.

 

Because she had thought about it, more than once despite the way they both ignored it. Not that she would ever admit to it. It was really less the kiss itself she thought about than the fact that Schneider hadn’t said anything about it. The man was not shy about talking about his feelings or letting her know where he stood. Penelope had expected him to be the one to bring it up. But he hadn’t. And she’d been so relieved not to address an issue that could change their friendship in dramatic ways, she had let herself assume it was really no big deal to either of them.

 

But if it was no big deal, why wasn’t that the end of her thinking about it? Why was she thinking about it now?

 

She mentally shoved those thoughts aside to paste a smile on her face for Schneider as he seated himself. Tuning back in to their surroundings, Penelope had to clamp her jaw shut so it didn’t drop open. This place was… incredible. It was an effort not to gawk around like some rube. She dropped her eyes to the table. Among the expensive china and glassware were strewn small candles and flowers. Small, exotic-looking orchids were tucked everywhere. There was a small bouquet of them in the center of the table and they were balanced on the rim of the unfilled glasses, laying daintily on the bread plates. Penelope raised an eyebrow as she slipped one from the elaborately folded napkin she settled over her lap.

 

Schneider shrugged sheepishly.

 

“They’re Avery’s favorite, I guess. I’ve never actually seen them before. Not the kind of thing you can get form the floral vendors at the farmer’s market, you know? They had to be specially ordered in from Venezuela or something.”

 

 _Typical fussy rich people crap_ , Penelope thought.  _There’s a million perfectly nice flowers that_ _don't_ _cost hundred of dollars. Still,_  she stroked a delicate petal with a fingertip,  _they’re very pretty._

 

“That’s gotta cost a lot though,” she couldn’t stop herself from saying. “You couldn’t have canceled the order after you and Avery broke up?”

 

“I thought about it,” he said. His smile faltered and he unconsciously hunched in on himself slightly. “a couple times. Instead of doing it I’d have a few drinks and end up ordering another gift instead.” His desperate mind half hoping that having an elaborate romantic gesture planned would help him win Avery back. He hadn’t thought about his ex much lately and didn’t particularly want to think about her now so he tried to force a smile.

 

“Plus the florist I spoke to was  _super_  stoked about such a big order. I didn’t really have the heart to take the money away from a small business owner, you know? I figured your family would appreciate them so they wouldn’t go to waste.”

 

He shrugged again, self-conscious. The truth was he wanted to impress the Alvarez family just as much as he had wanted to impress Avery. Actually, scratch that. He wanted to impress them a whole lot more. He hadn’t planned to do it by  _wooing_  them like this, and maybe it was too weird. Schneider was kinda glad now no one else could make it.

 

Penelope smiled fondly at Schneider. It was a nice gesture to begin with. Avery would have been a lucky girl to be here. That he had wanted so much to share it with her family instead of understandably abandoning it all was really sweet. It was already hard enough to stay positive being single on Valentine’s day, she didn’t want to make it harder for him by making him dredge up everything about his ex.

 

“Not a waste at all,” she said, tucking the flower into the curls behind her ear. “It matches perfectly.”

 

Schneider looked up and saw the flower was indeed only a shade or two off from the color of Penelope’s dress. He managed a sincere smile just as their server approached; she rewarded it with a wink and a smile of her own before turning to accept a menu.

 

They chatted over the dinner options and Schneider let her know which dishes were getting the hottest buzz in culinary circles. Since she wasn’t paying, Penelope was feeling brave enough to try whatever he suggested. When the server returned to take their order, he left behind a sleek bottle of champagne nestled in a silver bucket of ice. Penelope frowned in confusion. Neither had ordered a bottle of anything but Schneider was not surprised by its appearance.

 

“Also Avery’s favorite,” he explained.

 

Penelope was itching to ask if Avery had often drank around him. His relapse had many Penelope painfully conscious of how often she had done so. He had always insisted it was fine but it didn’t feel fine anymore. She didn’t want to be part of the problem, she just wanted them both to have a nice, relaxing evening which should be easier without her dramatic mother and mischievous son there to make things more exciting than they needed to be.

 

Glancing around, Penelope noted a young couple seated not to far away from them. The aura of new love was pouring off of them and she could just tell it was their first Valentine’s day together. She flagged down their server as he passed and asked him to deliver the bottle of champagne to the other table. It took some insistence and 2 declined offers to replace it with another bottle if it wasn’t to their liking before he walked away with the bucket. It wasn’t until then a thought occurred to her.

 

“Oh crap,” she turned to Schneider, expression guilty. In her lap she fiddled with her napkin. “Was that okay? I don’t know if you can return fancy champagne like that but I shouldn’t have given it away without asking you. I just figured you wouldn’t want it staring you in the face through dinner.”

 

Schneider blinked back at her. That was… a really expensive bottle, actually. He didn’t care about the cost of it, of course, she could do whatever she wanted with it. But Penelope didn’t often get tastes of luxury like that. She was too practical to seek it for herself and too few people had really spoiled her the way she deserved. He wouldn't have stopped her from enjoying it herself. Instead she had chosen his comfort over her own indulgence.

 

In the world he came from full of rich selfishness and luxury conceit, practically no one had retrained themselves on his behalf. It was a big part of why he had relapsed so many times in his past. It was just like an Alvarez to be thoughtful and considerate like that.

 

Schneider managed to shake his head to let Penelope know he didn’t mind. She smiled her relief before turning to watch the reaction as the young lovebirds received the gift. She had made it anonymous so they wouldn’t feel like they had to come over and express their gratitude. The delighted smiles she saw before she turned discreetly back were thanks enough.

 

She met a warm smile from her best friend. In the way that they just seemed to  _get_  each other sometimes, Penelope didn’t have to ask what prompted the gentle fondness in his eyes. She smiled back and reached across the table to give his hand a quick squeeze. He dipped his head for a moment, squeezing back, then cleared his throat. He picked up his glass of water and held it aloft.

 

“I had a toast I was going to make to the whole family. Not sure if it works now so I’ll just say…

 

To you, Penelope Francisca Del Carmen Riera Inclán Ruiz Maribona Del Alvarez .”

 

There was a lot he wanted to say. He had words for each of them, little speeches to let them know he loved and appreciated them. In that context, his words for Penelope hadn’t seemed so loaded with subtext but now he couldn’t manage to get any of it out. But the night wasn’t over yet. Maybe it wouldn’t feel so awkward later.

 

Penelope smiled and lifted her own glass to clink against his.

 

“To you, Dwayne Patrick Schneider.”

 

He grimace at his full name and she chuckled around her sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC - this date is far from over!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> accidental date, pt 2

The food was unremarkable, Penelope decided. Tasty enough but tiny portions, weird sauces. There were a lot of ingredients she hadn’t heard of outside of hipster Pinterest recipes. But uncharacteristically she kept most of her opinions to herself. She didn't want to seem uncultured and low-brow. Besides, Schneider thought of himself as a foodie and was having way too much fun talking about kale and flaxseed.

 

And the place did have a great raw bar. Penelope said as much to him as she squeezed a lemon over the plate of raw oysters and started slurping the shellfish down.

 

“I’m surprised you like oyster,” Schneider said, grabbing one for himself, “doesn’t seem like your thing.”

 

“Cuz it's ‘fancy’?” she asked, acerbic. He wisely did not reply. “I’ve lived near the coast most of my life. I can appreciate good seafood. Not a big fan of lobster though, I gotta say.”

 

“I don’t think you’re going to love the next course then.” 

 

Penelope leveled a look at him and Schneider couldn’t keep a straight face. She knew he wasn’t serious and his chuckle confirmed it. Lobster was way too much of a rich man’s cliché for the eclectic hipster. Schneider preferred quinoa and kale to lobster and caviar any day.

 

“Kidding. Can you imagine what Elena would have to say about the inhumanity of boiling an animal alive to consume it’s flesh?”

 

“She’d accuse us of cold-blood crustacean murder.”

 

They shared a fond smile for the passionate vegetarian teenager.

 

Penelope pushed aside her plate as she finished. It had been years since she had eaten oysters. She and Victor had taken a long weekend away as a second honeymoon before he was deployed again. They’d found a weathered seaside shack of a motel up the coast and eaten every meal within sight of the beach. Of course Victor hadn’t been shy about teasing her over the fact that oysters are considered an aphrodisiac.

 

Hey eyes happened to meet Schneider’s just as she remembered that. Penelope’s mouth went dry for a moment. But food aphrodisiacs were just a myth, right? An old wives’ tale. Oysters turned up in Valentine’s day menus all the time because it was a popular myth, but sharing a plate of shellfish with a man didn’t mean there was any extra chance of intimacy. Even between really close friends. Who had kissed in a dark bedroom late at night.

 

She cleared her throat as she reached for her water and took a sip. At the moment she really wished it was a nice glass of wine.

 

Schneider’s brow furrowed slightly at her. Penelope realized she must have made a face or, god forbid, blushed at her musings.

 

“So… dessert?” She rushed to find something to talk about that would get her thoughts back on to neutral grounds. “What are the chances I could get a nice big piece of _tres leches_ cake here? I’m guessing not great.”

 

“Yeah, that’s not likely. Dessert is coming soon though, I set up something special.” Schneider assured her.

 

More of Avery’s favorite, Penelope could only assume. She didn't have high hopes for the tiny women's taste in fattening foods.

 

 

Penelope was telling, with no little animation, a story about beating a bar full of grunts at quarters when dessert arrived.

 

“And we couldn’t just bounce it off a table, that would be too easy.” She was saying as she picked up her fork. “So next thing I know I am standing on top of the bar, aiming a quarter at someone’s combat helmet and trying to- Schneider, what the hell?!?”

 

Glancing down to grab a bite, Penelope was derailed when she spotted the slice of cheesecake topped with a bright pink drizzle. Nestled in a dollop of whipped cream was a diamond ring.

 

A ring. An actual engagement ring. Penelope could not believe what she was seeing. She knew Schneider had planned this night out months in advance, he had said it took most of a year just to make it through the waiting list for a table. And the Venezuelan orchids clearly were not a last minute addition. But she figured the elaborate planning was just typical Schneider being ‘extra’ as Alex called it. The man often went overboard with new hobbies and interests, of course he would step it up for a night of romance.

 

But it didn’t seem overboard if he was planning to propose. If a man she was seeing had treated her to a night like this, she might expect a proposal to follow it. Penelope had never considered the idea of Schneider getting married. It really hadn’t come up. Avery was the first woman he spent any real amount of time with, the only one he had real feelings for but they certainly hadn’t been serious enough to be taking this step. At least, Penelope hadn’t thought so. And she sat in silence trying to reconcile that idea.

 

Schneider too was silent for a long moment, stunned and staring at her plate.

 

“That is…. not mine.” He finally managed.

 

She raised an eyebrow at him, not sure if she believed that. She wanted to believe it, but she also wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to pretend it wasn’t. While not as bad as proposing in public and being turned down, it had to be embarrassing to set up a proposal for someone who didn't show up. If it made him feel terrible, she was ready to fling the plate, right and all, right out a window.

 

“No, I promise,” he insisted at her doubtful expression. “I definitely did not get drunk enough to order an engagement ring and then forget about it. Even if I had, I would never have bought a pear shaped solitaire.”

 

Schneider was clearly offended by the implications against his taste in jewelry. Penelope’s heart dislodged itself from her throat and settled back where it belonged. Why did it feel like she had just dodged a bullet?

 

“If it’s not yours then whose is it?” She asked.

 

A quiet cough nearby caught their attention.

 

“I, ah, must apologize.” Their server approached timidly. “A plate was mis-delivered to your table by another waiter. Normally we would prepare another dessert but, well, obviously that slice is rather special.”

 

Obviously. Penelope noticed the nervous figure hovering behind their server, practically vibrating with agitation.

 

“Oh crap,” she smiled sympathetically, “I hope this doesn’t totally screw up your proposal.”

 

“I got lucky, she’s in the bathroom.” The woman who stepped up to their table was about their age, dressed in tuxedo pants with a wine-colored velvet blazer. Her hair was close-cropped and several piercings glittered in her ears. “I was watching out for the ring to come so I could start the speech I wrote. I almost had a heart attack when the waiter walked off in the opposite direction.”

 

“Well here,” Penelope said, handing the plate over, “you better hurry before she gets back. I didn’t get a chance to take a bite so she doesn’t even have to know.”

 

The server, apologizing profusely for the mix-up, took possession of the slice of cheesecake so it could be delivered with proper timing, to the proper table this time. The relieved woman smiled her thanks before hustling back to her table.

 

Penelope and Schneider shared a look and had to chuckle over the little misadventure. Everyone was lucky. If that plate had ended up in front of an actual couple, one with no intention of getting engaged, it could have turned real ugly, real fast. Put a diamond in front of a woman and then immediately take it away, you're lucky if food doesn't get thrown. They were glad nothing like that would spoil the proposal for the two women, hopefully it off without a hitch from here. 

 

“Elena is going to die when we tell her.” Penelope pointed out.

 

“Would it be too weird to go film the proposal of two random women just so we could show her?” Schneider asked.

 

Penelope rolled her eyes, ready to scold him for being nosy in hopes of getting a video that would almost certainly go viral. But a proposal was a special moment, she knew _she_ would love to have a memory like that captured. Penelope glanced over her shoulder, spotting the woman's table and quickly scouting the rest of the dining floor.

 

"See that pillar?"

 

Schneider didn't need to be told which one, not by Penelope who he understood so well. He made an affirmative sound, leaning close to his fellow conspirator. He was surprised she was rolling with it but was so ready to follow her lead.

 

"It'll be of the girlfriend's peripheral vision. If you lean against it, casually playing with your phone and not acting super obvious like a total _bobo_ ," she leveled a warning look at him; he wasn't always great at clandestine hijinks, "the other woman will be way to distracted by her nerves to notice you."

 

Schneider grinned and tossed off a salute, jumping to his feet and whipping out his phone. Her strategy was sound and he was more than happy to take orders from her like a solider. She clucked her tongue at his eager enthusiasm and pointed a finger at him.

"Be cool," she reminded.

He took the scold and instantly became more nonchalant, strolling away pretending as if he had nothing more on his mind than finding a quiet spot to make a phone call. She knew him well enough to recognize the suppressed excitement in the movements of his lean form but at least he didn't look like a total spaz. She sent a mental apology to Elena for using a, what was it?, ableist term, even in the privacy of her own thoughts. 

 

Penelope had to chuckle to herself as she set aside her napkin. Hopefully it would keep him out of trouble while she hit the ladies' room.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> accidental date pt 3

When Penelope returned from the restroom Schneider was back at their table. He didn't notice her arrival at first, and she paused to look over his shoulder at his phone screen. After swiping through a few pictures he had captured of the proposal, he switched to twitter to tweet about it, using three "OMG"s and twice as many exclamation points.

 

“Has it gone viral yet?” She quipped.

 

Schneider jumped slightly and looked up at her. His eyes were shining, looking suspiciously moist behind his glasses, and his expression was soft, but his smile was beaming. It lit up his whole face and Penelope smiled back so wide it made her face sore. Schneider felt everything, good and bad, with such a passion and abandon she knew she could never equal. He really _lived_ every emotion.

 

“I’m guessing she said yes?” Penelope asked.

 

“It was so romantic,” he gushed and tugged her chair close beside his, waving at her to sit. “Here, look.”

 

He angled his phone towards her and Penelope leaned against his shoulder to watch the video. It was shaky at first but thankfully Schneider had settled down just as the server approach the couples' table. They both chuckled as they watched a willowy dark-skinned woman drop her fork on the floor when she saw the ring in front of her. By the end of the short video, both women were sobbing happily in each other’s arms and Schneider was wiping away a stray tear as he put his phone away. He gave a slight shrug when she chuckled at him fondly.

 

“I had to show you first, but I’m not sure about posting it,” he said. “I’d love to go viral but I don’t know either them, seems kinda…”

 

“Intrusive and weird? Yeah, little bit.”

 

And it was, but that was kinda the society they lived in these days with all the social media everywhere. Ideally no one would post videos of people without their permission. But if everyone held themselves to that rule, no one would ever see the videos calling out racists and other bad people. She was kinda curious what Elena had to say about that moral debate, but since Penelope herself had sent Schneider off to film it in the first place, she had kinda already chosen a side.

 

“I think that’s our cue,” said an amused voice.

 

The appearance of the two stars of Schneider’s video at the table he shared with Penelope made them both startle guiltily. But the newly engaged couple smiled reassurance at them. The shorter woman they had spoken to earlier grinned at Schneider.

 

"I thought I recognized you over there," Schneider blushed, sheepish she'd caught him, and Penelope rolled her eyes, but the woman didn't seem bothered by the surveillance. "Could I get a copy of that?" she asked, pointing at his phone.

 

"Of course, yeah, absolutely!" He was already past the unlock screen before she finished asking. "Do you want me to text or email it to you? Or, here, i've got this really nice video editing app, i could polish it up, maybe add some nice background music for you?"

 

While the two conferred over Schneider's smartphone, Penelope smiled at the other woman and offered her congratulations. The girl had to be 6'2" in her heels and was dressed to impress in a designer mini and nice jewelry. The crystal headband restraining her tight natural curls almost looked like a tiara and she wore a deep jewel tone purple lipstick. Penelope really wanted to ask what makeup brand she used because she didn't see a single smear on either woman mouth, and you just know they must have been kissing to celebrate just a few minutes before.

 

"Thank you!" the new fiance beamed down at the ring on her finger. "I was so surprised. I'm still in shock I think."

 

It was an effort to pull her dreamy gaze from the sparkle but the woman tempered her smile to look at Penelope.

 

"Dana told me about the mix-up with the ring. What a nightmare that could have been! I hope that didn't make the night weird for you two or anything? Did you think he was proposing?"

 

"Oh no," Penelope reassured her hastily. "We're just friends. It was no big deal. For a moment I thought the ring was for his ex-girlfriend but I never thought it was for me. No worries."

 

The woman didn't have much of a poker face. Penelope saw her eyebrows raise, saw her glance around the elaborately-laid table with its romantic candlelight, and take a long, assessing look at Schneider in his sharp suit. Thanks to Elena's friends and their dizzying variety of sexual identities, Penelope knew that being engaged to a woman didn't necessary stop the woman from being attracted to Schneider. Of course, she couldn't say anything about it after she just promised they were platonic friends.

 

What did she even think she was going to say anyway? She had no answer to that question, which left her tongue-tied for anything else to say. 

 

The somewhat awkward moment was broken when Dana slid her arm around her fiance's waist and suggested they settle up their bill. Schneider had shared his footage of the proposal; the video was already on Dana's Instagram with him tagged in the caption as the videographer. When they began to say their goodbyes, Schneider the wanna-be social media influencer had to interject.

 

"You can't leave now! Its golden hour, perfect time for celebratory selfies! Besides, you don't want to miss sunset from the balcony. Its the best view in the hills!"

 

Penelope wondered how he knew that but waiting 6 months for a table gave him plenty of time to read a lot of Yelp reviews about the place. She knew Schneider had already paid the bill, away from the table where she wouldn't get to see the total and have a panic attack. They had been on the point of leaving themselves, or so she thought.

 

Schneider stood, pulling her chair out for her without a thought and offering his hand with gallant courtesy. She took it with a smile and he led the way to the balcony. The view really was stunning and the sky was just beginning to turn colors. Schneider stepped away to take a few pictures of their new friends together. Penelope pulled out her own phone to take a shot for herself. It had been a really nice night, she had a good time. But standing alone watching the sunset by herself, single on Valentine's day, was not a exact a cheerful situation.

 

Just as she was starting to feel sorry for herself, Schneider returned to her side. Penelope tried to smile sincerely at him, halted in confusion when she noted the glass in his hands.

 

"Dana and Calli insisted on buying us a drink as apology for the mix-up/thank you for the photography." He passed the delicate glass of white wine to her. "I declined, obviously, but I thought you might like to try the best of the Paso Robles wine country. Word on the street is the boutique vineyards are doing some unique and exciting stuff with whites."

She hesitated. He read the question in her eyes,

"It's all good, Pen." He gestured for her to drink. 

Penelope's concern and support through everything was so important to him. But he didn't want it to be A Thing tonight. They were having too much fun and he was enjoying her company. 

"Word on the street, huh? Is 'the street' actually that one table at the farmer's market that sells the organic beeswax soaps you like so much?"

Schneider wasn't hard for her to read. She trusted him to know his own boundaries, so she cracked a joke to lighten the moment, chuckling at him as she took a sip. Penelope had made herself mindful of his comfort, perfectly happy not to drink in his company. But here he was demonstrating that her comfort was just as important to him and he wouldn't stand in the way of her enjoyment. Really, it was rarely surprising these days when Schneider did some thoughtful thing to make her or her family happy. He liked his flamboyant gestures, sure, but it was the simple moments that he didn't call attention to that Penelope found herself noticing lately. The little things he did to help out or even just to bring a smile to someone's face.

The wine was cool and crisp, with a lot of subtle variations in its flavor that she wasn't nearly sophisticated enough to analyze. It was delicious and fancy and quite the step up from her usual $12 bottles. It would probably go down even smoother when her throat wasn't just a little constricted with emotion as she looked intently at her best friend. Schneider stood close beside her, his sleeve brushing her elbow, head turned to take in the sunset. The sky was a riot of colors now but Penelope only noticed it as a backdrop for his profile. The warm golden hour glow lit up the tan he really shouldn't have in the middle of February and the effect made his blue eyes flash even brighter and some weird poetic part of Penelope couldn't help thinking the outside matched the beautiful heart inside him.

 

She almost choked at that thought and turned her gaze away to collect herself.

Only to further lose her composure when Schneider slung an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. 

Taken aback, she tilted her chin and looked up (and up, and up) at her best friend. 

When their eyes met, both froze for a long moment. Penelope had no reason to feel winded, but her breath hitched, then came out ragged. How had her hands ended up on his hips? When had she broken eye contact to study his lips?

Being pressed up against his side brought Penelope's cleavage into more prominent view and Schneider felt himself warm as he forced his eyes away.

Which at least served to remind him why he had pulled them into the charged tension of this position in the first place. 

He had to clear his throat to get his voice working; lifting the phone in his free hand, and tried to smile that usual Schneider smile at her. 

"Selfie time!" 

He angled the phone and began snapping shots. It took Penelope a few seconds to react, thrown by the sudden shift in the mood, so her expression in the first couple was a little spacey. But she decided that analyzing the moment would not be as fun as mugging silly faces with Snapchat filters and making Schneider's ears stick out like a monkey's for the camera. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> accidental date pt 4

They lingered a bit longer as darkness fell and the balcony bar was lit by strings of twinkle lights. Penelope savored her glass of wine as an excuse not to say much; Schneider fiddled intently with his phone to avoid eye contact. After a several dumb pictures, they had separated, a tad awkwardly, putting a little space between them.  
  
Space that was forgotten when he excitedly leaned in again to show her how many likes the engagement video already had on Instagram. Penelope added another like with her own account then thought to ask if he’d sent the video to Elena yet. When he realized he hadn’t, they both raced to be the first to send it, but Penelope already had the family group chat open and beat him to the punch. She grinned, now she’d be the first to show everyone. From that safe topic it wasn’t hard to find their way back to pleasant conversation. It was so easy to talk to Schneider... about anything, serious or silly.  
  
Well, anything except these Moments they kept having that Penelope could definitely no longer pretend were just her imagination. They were becoming more numerous and more intense. But they seemed to find their way back to acting normal pretty quickly.  
  
A valet had brought the Range Rover before Penelope remembered.  
  
“Wait, we never had dessert. You said you had something special planned.”  
  
He smiled mysteriously, taking her by the elbow to guide her to the passenger side of the vehicle.  
  
“I did say that. I never said anything about it happening here.” He opened the car door for her.  
  
Penelope’s cocked her head in confusion but climbed in. When it occurred to her that the dessert he had planned for Avery could have meant something romantic like champagne and strawberries in bed, she decided maybe she’d rather not know the details. The first few minutes of their ride passed in silence.  
  
She felt weird and a little rude shutting him out after they’d had such a fun night. He’s just treated her to a very expensive meal, the least she could do was thank him. But as she turned to do so, she realized he had turned off of the main road back to the city at some point. Penelope didn’t recognize where they were. Not that she spent a lot of time in the Hills. She probably wouldn’t know the area in broad daylight with a street sign nearby.  
  
“Schneider, where the hell are we?”  
  
He smiled enigmatically, clearly trying to play it cool. But she could see the suppressed excitement in his eyes even behind his glasses. Okay, clearly he had a plan and hadn’t just gotten them lost so she could keep her peace. For now.  
  
When he pulled onto an unpaved road that led toward a bower of trees, she started rethinking that. Obviously he hadn’t planned to end a night of romancing Avery with an axe murder but did he not understand how potentially scary it was for a woman to have a man bring her to the middle of nowhere in the dark? Was this a makeout spot for the locals or something?  
  
Throwing the vehicle in park, he hopped out of the Range Rover and came around to open her door.  
  
“Schneider…” Half a warning, half a question.  
  
“Come see.” His smile was reassuring as he grabbed her hand and pulled her toward a softly lit area a few yards away.  
  
“What is this place?"  
  
Paper lanterns hung from the trees and candles that looks suspiciously battery powered were spread around. There was a very luxurious picnic set up. Plush blankets and cushions were spread around a low table crowded with dishes, 2 bottles chilling in a bucket nearby. No paper plates or red Solo cups on this picnic; two places were set with china of a chic modern design and the stemware looked like crystal.  
  
Penelope sat and made herself comfortable, marveling at it all. Schneider busied himself uncovering all manner of delicacies on the table: a rainbow of macarons, a small pyramid of expensive truffles, a cut-glass bowl of frozen grapes, and a silver platter of chocolate dipped fruit. Mango as well as the traditional strawberries. Apparently Lydia had told him the mango was the true fruit of _pasión_.  
  
Penelope examined the bottles. One was familiar, the same champagne from the restaurant. But the other was a sparkling cider. non-alcoholic for Schneider. She poured them each a glass of that and handed one to him when he finally folded his tall frame to sit beside her.  
  
Before he took a sip Schneider remembered the last detail. Slipping his phone out of his pocket, with a few taps a low soulful tune hummed out of the foliage around them. He grinned at his _pièce de résistance_ : bluetooth speakers hidden in the bushes. It was pretty romantically brilliant, he had thought.  
  
Schneider had been so excited to show everything off and Penelope had been too impressed by the whole set-up for either to consciously acknowledge the intimacy of the scene. The romantic atmosphere with nothing to interrupt it, or them. Their eyes met as they sipped the cool drink, skittered quickly away again.  
   
The food was an effective distraction in the moment and they both helped themselves to the variety of sweets. Penelope was pensive as she nibbled on a purple macaron that faintly tasted the way lavender smells. Schneider didn’t fail to notice.  
  
“What’s on your mind, Pen?” When she didn’t immediately respond, he got a little anxious? “You don’t like it? Its too much, isn’t it? I know, i go way too far sometimes. I thought I’d be safe from going overboard on Valentine’s day. But I also thought I’d have my girlfriend here instead of my best friend.”  
  
Schneider looked down self-consciously. He was so tall, it was a rare occasion when lowering his head was enough to let him avoid eye contact. But now he was stretched out, lounging propped up on one elbow. His hand lay on the picnic blanket between them and Penelope reached to cover it with her own.  
  
“No, its not too much. Not for someone you love. It’s just… no one’s ever done anything quite like this for me.” No one had loved her this way. She had to admit she was a little jealous. Any girl would be - Avery had passed on a pretty special guy.  
  
“I wouldn’t do anything like this for you. I mean-“ Schneider closed his eyes and sighed in exasperation with himself, scrambling for the right words. That had came out as about as wrong as it possibly could. “I _mean_...  you deserve every bit of it, but this exact kind of thing isn’t really your style. A guy who really loved and understood you would do something personalized rather than the generic romantic cliches.”  
  
Penelope’s expression was one of tolerant affection. She knew he hadn't meant it like it sounded, he was just a total _bobo_ sometimes.  
  
“This,” she gestured broadly around them, "isn’t what I’d call a generic cliche, Schneider. This is all really impressive.”  
  
“Yeah,” he said with a shrug, as if it was nothing, as if he hadn’t spent months setting it all up, “but its not you. You enjoy it but you’d be happier with something a little less snooty and highbrow, right? Like 90s R&B instead of Vivaldi, or _fritas y tamales_ served on a tailgate overlooking the ocean. That’s the kind of thing I’d plan for you.”  
  
Schneider sat up to snag the last piece of mango, his hand slipping out from under hers, so he didn’t see the stunned look on Penelope’s face. Yeah, everything he said was spot on, but it didn’t surprise her that he knew that well. He was a guy who "really understood her". Her shock came from the realization that he’d obviously thought about this before. Thought about what it would be like to do something like this for her. Thought about how things would be if _she_ was his girlfriend.  
  
She wondered if those thoughts had come before or after Avery came into his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter spoiler: 
> 
>  
> 
> smooches!
> 
>  
> 
> edit: I forgot to add the bit that explained where the picnic location is, I'll get to that at some point. but basically, Schneider being Schneider, he knows a guy who farms Alpaca for their wool and the spot is an unused corner of his land.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 5 of the accidental date
> 
> some not-so-accidental smooches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted TWO chapters in the same night so make sure you didnt miss the one before this!

When they left their picnic spot, they skirted any awkwardness by talking about the family. By that time Elena had responded to the engagement video with several intelligible texts full of keysmashes and exclamation points. As he drove them toward home, Penelope read him the comments Elena had left in her excitement as she shared the video on every social media profile she had. Dr. Berkowitz had checked in at the opera with several pictures of her _mami_ and their dinner and even the car Dr B had hired to drive them from the restaurant to the opera house because he knew Lydia would find it more elegant than arriving in his modest sedan. When they hit a stop light, Penelope showed Schneider the picture of her mother draped beguilingly over the hood of the retro vehicle.  
  
Passing the field where Alex played baseball brought the conversation around to _papito_. Schneider was so animated talking about her son’s status on the team, so proud of the role he had played in making Alex a star of the travel team. It warmed Penelope's heart how much he loved her son. She didn’t even object when his offer to show her the batting tips the coach had them practicing led to Schneider making a U-turn ,and before long they were the only people at the park’s batting cages.  
  
Penelope wasn’t hopeless with a bat by any means, but she hadn’t played much ball since she had still lived on base and when her shoulder injury was still healing, she hadn’t wanted to push it with anything more strenuous than a gentle game of catch. So it had been a while. Her stance was sloppy and Schneider stepped in to correct it.  
  
Which involved wrapping his arms around her from behind to center her grip. Guiding her to set her feet farther apart, his thighs brushed against the back of hers, No gaps between them. His breath stirred the curls at her neck. She shivered slightly and his arms unconsciously tightened around her just a bit.  
  
  
“Chilly?” he manages to say around the tightness in his throat. Intensely aware of the fact that he was pressed up against her. And it hadn’t even been a move he had made on purpose.  
  
It came out a whisper but she could hear in his voice the confusion about the state they are in. Unsure about what to do, too surprised to move away. For some reason, the fact that he is just as lost  as she is was kind of reassuring.  
  
Not trusting her voice, Penelope shook her head.  
  
She didn’t realize she was basically admitting to being affected by his closeness rather than the night air. She _did_ noticed the tingle in her fingers where Schneider’s soft strong hands overlap hers and almost dropped the baseball bat. Thoroughly flustered, she finally stepped away.  
  
There was a clunk and a clatter from the batting cage mechanism.  
  
She realized she had triggered the sensor a fraction of a second before she realized she had also stepped directly into the path of the speeding baseball. By then it was too late to react with more than a flinch.  
  
The lightning-quick reaction from Schneider belied the man’s usual indolent image. Those strong hands seized her by the upper arms and spun her away so quickly, her back slammed into the chain-link barrier of the cage.  
  
Her heart was beating wildly, her hair definitely ruffled by the wind of the passing ball as it just _barely_ missed her. Schneider’s hands were still locked around her arms and his momentum had carried him into the fence with her. Pressed up against her as they both took a moment to recover from the shock. chests heaving as their breathing returned to normal.  
  
When his grip on her gentled, Penelope looked up to thank him for saving her. The scary moment had pretty well erased his control over his expressions and now a look of such gentle concern warred with a heated reaction to being near her. Affection and gratitude and attraction all surged within her at the caring and the desire in his gaze.  
  
Her fingers trembled a bit as she hooked a hand around the back of his neck. Reaction or nerves, she couldn’t say and didn’t take the time to wonder. As she rose up on her toes, gently pulling him down to meet her, the logical voice inside her said she was just going to give him a kiss on the cheek. A thank you for saving her. Simple. Appropriate. Uncomplicated, right?  
  
Penelope was not actually surprised to find herself pressing her lips to his.  
  
That shock was all Schneider’s. He hadn’t yet had a chance to string two coherent thoughts together after that adrenaline surge, and now he was pretty sure his brain was short circuiting entirely. Luckily his body knew exactly what to do. His long arms wrapped around her and he leaned down further. Penelope settled back down on her heels as he thoroughly returned the kiss.  
  
Schneider pulled back after long seconds and the two regarded each other closely, noses only inches apart. She could feel him squirm and knew his brain must be running a mile a minute… or maybe not working at all.  
  
“Pen?” His voice was thick and hoarse in a way that made her warm.  
  
She knew what he was asking, heard the dozen unspoken questions, all the same things she’d been asking herself as she grew closer to her best friend.  
  
“I don’t know, Schneider.” her voice was soft. “I don’t know what any of this means.”  
  
They knew each other well, she didn’t have to elaborate. He had been there too for each of those moments that made things feel different between them. The little accidents that had eventually brought them here.  
  
His hands were still splayed over her back, his chest still pressed against hers; he felt her muscles shift as she offered a shrug. But she didn’t pull away.  
  
In all those chance encounters between them that he couldn't explain and couldn't stop thinking about, she had lingered. For long moments that seemed to stretch longer each time before pulled away.

She didn’t pull away at all now. And he wondered what the moment might be like when it didn’t take them by surprise.  
  
One way to find out.  
  
His thumb gently caressed her skin above the low back plunge of her gown. The question in his eyes changed. There was a swift intake of breath. He was watching her too closely to miss the tiny nod.  
  
Schneider leaned down and kissed her again. Or rather, for the first time of his own volition.  
  
He met her deep ruby lips gently at first, confirming consent. She tilted her head toward him, met his kiss firmly, no hesitation. With a soft sigh, her lips parted and Schneider lost all awareness of the world around him.  
  
When Penelope’s tongue traced over his bottom lip, she felt Schneider tremble against her. When his tongue met hers, she had to grab the fence behind her with her free hand, unsure if her knees were going to hold her up.  
  
Neither was sure how long they stood there, consumed by each other, but eventually they had to come up for air. They were both aware of reality waiting to set in as their eyes met again. He cleared his throat to speak. They should probably talk things out... before one or both of them had a panic attack about it.  
  
But Penelope wasn’t ready for the weight of all the questions. She didn't want to think about it. It was scary and hard to talk about and being wrapped up in him had been than she would have imagined, if she had ever gone around imagining what it might be like to make out with Schneider. She tried to go back for another kiss. it had worked to silence all the drama in her head for a few moments, why not a little bit longer?  
  
“Pen, wait.” Schneider halted her, pulling back a little so she couldn't reach his lips.

He shook his head, trying to clear the fog of desire so he could THINK. God, she felt like the most expensive silk against him.  
  
But this was Penelope. This was too important. This was…. what was this, anyway?  
  
“That was…” He trailed off, not sure what to say. It was incredible. It was confusing. It was hot as hell.  
  
She nodded, knowing what he meant. “Yeah, it was.” she softly agreed with each unspoken point.  
  
“We just…” They just kissed. They just embraced, passionately. They just crossed the line between best friends and… something else.  
  
“I know.” He wasn’t the only one marveling at it.  
  
“Do you…?” _Regret it?_ his eyes asked.

_Want to talk about it?_

_Want to do it again?_

  
  
Penelope bit her lip when she read that last question on his face. _Dios_ , did she ever.  
  
“Do you?” She turned his question back on him.  
  
It was bluntly asked, the first thing approaching straightforward either of them had said about all this so far. Penelope knew it wasn’t quite fair to shift the burden of taking the next step onto him. But she had already asked. In this moment she wanted to hear the answer. Besides if she took it back now, he might think she was shutting him down.  
  
Was she? She probably should, but her blood was singing for him and the cool darkness around them suddenly felt like a sauna with him so close.  
  
Schneider gaped slightly, his mouth opening and closing a few times. His grip on her tightened briefly, he clutched at her almost desperately. Then his grip loosened and he eased back. But not far. Her skirts still brushed against his legs and his arms remained around her.  
  
“I don’t…” He trailed off again. Belying his words, his eyes were on her mouth. Unconsciously he swayed toward her again, wanting her. his tongue darted over his lips.  
  
He couldn’t finish the sentence but still, she understood. It was a little scary how well she understood what wasn’t getting said here.  
  
He wasn't saying he didn't want _her_. He didn’t want to ruin anything. Didn’t want to do anything to lose her or the family. Didn’t want to hope for more than he felt he deserved, only to be disappointed. Didn’t imagine this ever happening between them.  
  
A repeated failure of rehab. a privileged hipster man-baby she had called him once _. Where could this even go between them?_ Schneider had to ask himself. And when it inevitably ended, what would he lose? Neither of them were the type to stay friends with their exes, and he couldn’t bear to fade out of her life like that. She, and the family, were too important. More important than anything.  
  
He sighed and bowed his head, torn, looking a little lost.  
  
“It’s okay,” she whispered. Wasn’t it odd that she was comforting him, when she was technically the one being rejected here? But nothing about this situation was normal. And she hated to see him unhappy. “It doesn’t have to change anything. We can just call it a symptom of Valentine’s day fever.”  
  
He successfully managed not to flinch. She was giving them an easy out, he should be grateful. No need for awkwardness.  
  
But they both knew this, whatever this was, had started long before Valentine’s day. Schneider had never entertaining any serious notions for his best friend before, had always assumed he would never be worthy of her. He couldn’t help feeling like his one chance at something special was slipping away fro him. But he wasn’t confident enough to grab it before it was gone. Not confident enough to risk his place in the family.  
  
“Hey, don’t worry about it.” She leaned forward until he was forced to catch her eye. “I always let the guys who save my life get to first base.”  
  
Her grin was forced as she made the little joke but it seemed to reassure him. He narrowed his eyes at her to gauge how serious she was before finally huffing a laugh that was half a sigh of both relief and regret.  
  
When he pulled her to him in what he told himself was a platonic hug of thanks, he found he already missed the way she had melted against him only moments before. He wasn’t going to get the chance to feel it again. But it was for the best this way. Under the guise of hugging her more firmly, he buried his nose in her curls, squeezing his eyes shut.

Yes. It had to be for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've retroactively decided a major theme of this work is how quickly they recover from these moments and go back to laughing together despite or possibly because of the fact that they refuse to really acknowledge and talk about the Moments.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> accidentally an Alvarez

"Don't worry about it", she had said to him. _Don't worry about it._

 

 _As if it was that easy_ , she thought as she paced her bedroom floor late into the night, unable to do anything else _except_ worry about it. Worry herself to the verge of an anxiety attack.

 

Or maybe it _would_ be easy for him. Maybe it was only hard for her to stop thinking about it because her brain was all screwy from the anxiety? Or maybe it was because her skin still tingling from his touch and she found herself missing the faint scent of the cologne she smelled when she was close to him? The pacing helped a little with the jittery feeling that kept running over her nerves when she remembered details like how he smelled, or how soft the hair at the nape of his neck was.

 

The park wasn't far from the apartment; they had left the batting cages in silence that lasted until they said goodnight when the elevator stopped at her floor. Once home she had immediately changed into her comfiest pajamas but couldn't bring herself to lay her head down. For hours she walked back and forth, worrying about what tonight would mean. What it meant to their friendship. What it meant to the way things worked with the family and in their tenant/landlord relationship. What it meant that she had liked kissing him in a big way and that both surprised and scared her. What it meant that Schneider hadn't wanted to pursue anything further.

 

She spent an hour on that last question alone before she finally buried her head under the pillow and let sleep silence her mind.

 

 

 

 

 _Maybe there_ wasn't _anything to worry about_ , Schneider thought as he took his place at the table for dinner two night later.

 

He waited till he knew the kids were home before heading down to the Alvarez apartment. It wasn't the bravest way to face her, but it was effective. Schneider was immediately drawn into conversation with Elena and Alex. He got away with just a friendly nod to Penelope, who had strategically busied herself in the kitchen helping her mother. She hoped her smile in return didn't look forced.

 

The teenagers had so much to say they monopolized the conversation through most of the meal. Dessert was served before anyone asked about the fancy restaurant. Without awkwardly stumbling over each other's words, Schneider and Penelope managed to give a lively description of the venue and food, as well as a suitably romantic retelling of the engagement to please Elena. Neither mentioned the intimate picnic, or late night baseball practice. Alex lost interested once he confirmed they hadn't seen any celebrities, but apologized to Schneider for ditching him. The adults could tell he wasn't actually sorry to spend the night on a date with a cute girl instead, but Penelope was happy to see she had raised her son with enough manners to at least _pretend_ to be contrite for canceling plans at the last minute.

 

Schneider caught her eye over _papito's_ head and they shared a grin; he always seemed to be on the same wavelength as her when it came to the kids and she liked being able to share the secret amusement.

 

Penelope remembered saying to Lydia in one of their many arguments about Victor how she _did_ want someone to raise the kids with, someone to help her handle their unique brands of crazy. Seated across the dinner table from him now, she realized that's exactly what she had in Schneider when she actually let him co-parent the way his heart desired. She dropped her gaze to her plate in confusion. Did that mean the two of them could actually build a life together? Or did she only want to because he was always there for her in the way a husband should be? Because he would be safe and convenient?

 

Wait, when did she even start wanting to build a life with Schneider?

 

After zoning out for a moment of internal panic, Penelope finally tuned back into the conversation to find that someone had decided a make-up meal was in order so all the family could go out together. As if they weren't all (except for Dr. B) already eating together right now. They couldn't possibly get reservations at the same place again, but Elena and Alex were just happy to give it a miss if it meant they didn't have to dress up. Lydia had scoffed at their descriptions of the menu and portion sizes. They finally settled on a Korean fusion place near the family's favorite ice cream parlor that weekend.

 

"That work okay for you, Pen? You don't have any other plans?" Schneider asked her.

 

He knew what nights she went to her therapy group. He also knew she wasn't seeing anyone and therefore wasn't likely to have a date. He was trying to give her an out in case she felt awkward, in case she didn't want to spend too much time with him. He certainly wouldn't turn down Alvarez Family Night Out for anything else. It was typical thoughtfulness from her best friend and made her smile back at him. Things being weird is exactly what they were both so anxious about, but it wasn't so weird.

 

It didn't have to be that way if they didn't let it.

 

"Nope, no plans. Sounds like fun." And so the dinner was set.

 

 

Saturday night found them in Button Mash seated around a large square table. The couples, Elena and Syd, Lydia and Dr. B, each took up a side. Penelope originally grabbed the chair next to Alex but the seating arrangements didn't last long. The restaurant had a collection of retro arcade games and after waiting long enough to put in their orders, everyone dispersed to play. Penelope tried a few games she'd enjoyed as a kid but when she spied the server deliver their drinks to the table, she sat down to enjoy her cocktail instead.

 

She wasn't more than a couple sips in when Schneider collapsed with his usual boneless grace into the chair beside her. Penelope raised an eyebrow at him. This kinda place was exactly his scene; she had expected to have to drag him away from the games to eat.

 

"I may have gotten a tiny bit over-enthusiastic," He held his thumb and forefinger a scant centimeter apart to show how little, but his face was sheepish. "Elena says I'm not allowed to play Mortal Kombat anymore."

 

Penelope couldn't help it, she cracked up. His rueful face, the mental image of him yelling at Liu Kang on the screen, and the idea of Elena scolding him the way Penelope used to scold her when she got all loco playing video games. It was too much and Penelope laughed herself helpless.

 

Schneider couldn't help but grin as he watched Penelope's fit of amusement. He was so, _so_ glad they could still have fun together without things being stilted and uncomfortable.

 

They could put everything behind them and maintain their friendship.

 

Except he couldn't put it behind him.

 

He sat at the table beside her all night, as he hadn't surrendered the chair to Alex when the rest returned to join them. Schneider chimed in the family fun, accepting their teasing with a grin, and it was everything he'd wanted his family to be. But when Penelope threw back her head for another laugh, he realized the pretty picture in his head was incomplete. His gut twisted when he felt his arms itch to reach out to her, to brush her curls back from her neck, to throw his arm over the back of he chair, to trace the three little freckles on her shoulder with his fingertip. He wanted to make her laugh forever to hear her so carefree and joyful. He didn't just want to be in the picture of the family puzzle, he wanted his pieces to interlock with hers. 

 

Throughout the meal he caught himself shifting closer to her as he talked, forcing himself to sit back in his chair whenever he unconsciously ended up in her personal space.

 

They were all replete at the end of the meal, happy with the food and planning to come back another day. Schneider wouldn't mind if it became a regular place for them. He'd be happy to treat them all any time.

 

When the bill came he guessed high rather than actually do the math to work out the tip. Then added another twenty bucks on top. It had been such a great night. He signed the credit card slip and passed it back to the server.

 

"You have a wonderful evening, Mr. Alvarez," the waiter said with such enthusiasm he had clearly noticed the generous gratuity.

 

Schneider picked up his glass for a last sip of water before the words actually sank in. The reservations were under "Alvarez", it was an easy (if somewhat hetero-normative) mistake to make. It just felt so right, so natural, that his brain hadn't even registered it at first. When he did, a slight jolt of reaction made him miss his mouth and spill his drink. He set his glass down and absent-mindedly swiped at the water on his chest.

 

He wanted to be an Alvarez. He wanted that more than anything. He had been mostly joking about changing his name; he hadn't actually asked his lawyer, just googled the process one night out of casual curiosity. Schneider knew it was silly to want the name, it was just a name and it was Victor's name at that, it wasn't important to him. Being one of them was. But he _was_ one of them. He embraced that in every way: co-parenting the kids, being a companion to Lydia, helping out wherever he could, supporting everyone when life brought them troubles. He welcomed it all, the good stuff and the bad stuff, because it meant he belonged with them.

 

So why was he running from possibly the most meaningful connection he could make to the most amazing member of that family?

 

 

Penelope realized Schneider had zoned out. Turning to snap him out of it, she noticed his hand rubbing at the damp spot just above the hipster-low v-neck. It immediately reminded Penelope of her get-out-of-the-friendzone move. Which in turn reminded her that if you looked at it a certain way, he had friend-zoned her. Which still kinda threw her for a loop. She never dreamed they would end up in that situation but if she had, she would have bet money that _she'd_ be the one pushing to keep things platonic.

 

Schneider surfaced from his thoughts in time to catch the direction of Penelope's gaze. He realized what he was doing and dropped his hand; she lifted her eyes to his. She knew he remembered her flirty move, he could tell she was thinking about it. For a long moment neither said anything. Neither looked away. 

 

Did she think he was trying to use the move on her? That would be a really weird play on his part, if he had been doing it intentionally. He had been the one to call a stop to it the other night.

 

His brain unhelpfully intruded with a memory from the concert where they had spied on Alex. The incident with the bar-noculars had been an accident, but he had learned firsthand how effective her technique could be. Schneider had admired Penelope for years before then and flirted with her more than a little. But that day had seen the first urge he'd had to swoop in and kiss the woman, slip his arms around her and lift her clear off her feet. _Papito_ had been an effective distraction in that moment, but right now...

 

God, _why_ had he called a stop to things the other night?

 

When he finally managed to shake _that_ train of thought off, he realized they were the only two left at the table. Penelope laughed when his face scrunched up in confusion.

 

"Come on, _Mr Alvarez_ " she teased sarcastically, "everyone's getting rid of the last of their quarters before we leave."

 

Schneider swallowed. He hadn't realized Penelope had heard the server's comment. She hadn't spoken up to correct it, hadn't denied it with the peals of laughter that had met Victor's suggestion that she was dating Schneider. She wasn't even warning him not to get any ideas about making it legal.

 

She was instead rolling her eyes at him, with a grin that held so much affection, more than he was used to seeing but it wasn't new. Schneider had never really allowed himself to see it before. In part because he struggled some days to believe he deserved it, in part because if he _did_ acknowledge it, he left himself open to too many impossible hopes and intangible dreams. It wasn't a vulnerability he didn't need on top of his sobriety. 

 

But Penelope _was_ someone he let himself be vulnerable with now. So vulnerable; open and honest about things in his past that would scare most people away. He was already laid bare before her, there was little risk she would decide to run away after she committed to choosing him. He knew his bestie, knew how much effort she put into the things she chose to spend her time on, how much time she chose to spend on those she let into her life. How she always had time for him.

 

Penelope Alvarez didn't settle for just anything.

 

Which meant she thought he was something special.

 

As he followed her toward the bank of arcade games, Schneider straightened unconsciously, head held high. Truth be told, one might even say he strutted a bit, suddenly feel 10 feet tall and indestructible. Thankfully Penelope didn't notice the ridiculous display of dignity behind her. The grin on his face grew a little dopey when the little voice (that had just the faintest Cuban accent) inside him reminded him she had seen him looking a lot dumber than this before.

 

And she still kissed him. With enthusiasm. Despite all the potential complications it could create.

 

She _chose_ him.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Schneider was fairly self-aware. Years of therapy and repeated stints in rehab had given him some degree of emotional intelligence. So he was able to acknowledge what he wanted now, without letting the noise of his fears drown it out.

 

He wanted Penelope. In any way, every way, that he could have her.

 

Looking back, he was awed and humbled by the simple courage she had shown when she had kissed him. The feel of her in his arms had distracted him; he hadn't stopped to realize that when she did that, and asked him what he wanted, she had made herself vulnerable. He remembered her lukewarm attitude toward Mateo who she frequently had forgotten to text for days at a time. He also remembered Max and the way Penelope had danced around the issue for weeks before agreeing to use the word 'boyfriend' to describe him. He knew it could be a struggle for her to acknowledge her own feelings sometimes, let alone act on them.

 

And when she did act on them, Schneider froze. He let her think he was uncomfortable with the idea, which meant she would never try again. With all the complications it had taken so long to look past, with the way that night had ended... even if she hadn't changed her mind, they would just end up circling each other uncertainly for months.

 

It was up to him to make the next move. He just really wasn't sure what that next move was. Schneider wasn't used to relationships, he had never learned the language of romance beyond pickup lines. He didn't know how to bring the subject up but until he figure it out, he could just subtly remind her how awesome he was.

 

 

 

 

Penelope didn’t think it was possible for someone to be annoying just by being too helpful. She was pretty much immune to find his presence overwhelming, but since Schneider had showed up half an hour ago, she had almost tripped over him 3 times. He insisted on helping her fold the laundry while they waited for everyone else to get home. That was fine. She hated folding laundry and it gave him something to do with his hands while he told her funny stories about his latest niche hobby of foraging. He didn't elaborate on the details about where on his body he got the poison oak rash, but since she hadn't been asked to make a house call with some calamine lotion, it was obviously someplace the sun doesn't usually shine. 

When she came back from the bathroom she caught him organizing the shelves. Alphabetizing the kids' video games was a little weird; he wasn’t the most super ordered guy but maybe Elena had a system she didn’t know about that he had learned as her intern. And arranging the photo albums by year was just good sense, she had to give him that.

But when he insisted on following her back to the bedrooms to help her put the folded laundry away she started to feel like she had grown a really tall shadow. She didn’t need his help. She had trained the family out of keeping anything they needed regularly on the top closet shelf so she wouldn't need a stepladder to put laundry away. And the conversation they had going wasn’t so scintillating that it couldn't wait the 5 minutes it took to empty her basket. It took less than 2 minutes with his help and she was strangely not surprised that he seemed to know where everything belonged. Sometimes the apartment felt as much his as theirs, and not because he owned the building.

Schneider skipped out of the room ahead of her when she was done, offering to make them both _un cafecito_ and asking if she needed anything from the store for dinner because he could make a run. As if she couldn’t just text one of the family and ask them to grab anything from the corner bodega on their way home. When he offered to sweep the floor, reaching to open the hall closet where they kept the broom, she had had enough. She grabbed his arm to stop him before she had six feet, two inches of Canadian _bobo_ dancing around her apartment singing the Work Song from Cinderella.

“Okay, Schneider, that’s enough. What’s going on?” She demanded.

“What do you mean?” His brow furrowed behind his glasses.

“You’re acting weird. Weirder than usual.”

“Uh, what do you mean?" He didn't realize he'd repeated himself. 

Schneider tried for an innocent expression as he scratched the back of his neck. But he knew exactly what she meant.

He was _trying_ not to act different, but realizing just how much he wanted, no, _needed_ Penelope in his life… well, he had never been good at _not_ going overboard with his emotions.

“The following me around, jumping to do every chore that needs doing. No one loves housework that much. What’s next, you gonna put on a maid outfit?” She quipped, then grew serious. “Is this about what happened the other night?

Schneider flinched slightly; it was all the acknowledgment needed. He didn’t know what to say. Neither of them had mentioned what went down in the park. He hadn’t told her everything he had realized since then: that he wanted to be a part of her life in _every_  way, not just a friend, a landlord, a co-parent. He wanted her to be part of his life in the most intimate way. And he had no idea how to tell her that.

“Look,” When he didn’t answer, she sighed. “I’m sorry if I made things uncomfortable or whatever.”

He started to shake his head in denial but she continued firmly.

“No, I don’t want you to feel like you have to make yourself useful in order for me to keep you around, okay? I’m not mad that you didn’t-…, things are good. I like our friendship and it can stay the way its always been. I’m totally fine with that.”

If he hadn’t been watching her so closely, maybe he wouldn’t have noticed that her eyes shifted away from him for a second and then back. Maybe he wouldn’t have caught the slight waver of her smile. His heart did a little flip inside him. Schneider knew his bestie and he could tell when she wasn’t totally fine with something. But here she was insisting that everything was completely cool, for his sake. So he wasn’t uncomfortable. Because his happiness mattered to her.

Schneider didn’t know what saintly deed he must have done in his youth or childhood to deserve it but… Penelope Alvarez cared about him a whole lot. And that meant everything.

“You don't have to worry about your place in this family, okay? You don’t have to earn your place here. You’re a part of my life and that’s not going to go away because of a kiss.” She gave him a smile that made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. “I promise. So just… go back to acting normal, okay? Act like Schneider. I like the man you are just fine, remember?”

She gave his wrist a little squeeze before she let go, ready to step back into the living room. But his hand caught hers and pulled her to a stop. She looked up to find him close, so close it made her gasp and he stole the breath from her as his lips settled firmly over hers. Schneider backed her up firmly against the wall, the Alvarez museum rattling slightly as he molded his body against hers.

He took his time and kissed her thoroughly, learning the shape of the lips he’d tasted only briefly before. The feel of her crowded his sense along with the smell of _violetas_. When he felt Penelope’s arms steal hesitantly around his waist, he gave a small hum of pleasure against her mouth.

It made Penelope shiver and clutch tighter at him. Pressed tight between the wall and his lean form she could remain upright if her knees gave out but she took the excuse to feel more of him. Her hand found its way under his shirt; at the feel of her fingertip on his skin he tore his lips away from hers with a hiss and a jolt that pressed him hard against her.  She gasped, the pleasant friction setting her body aflame.

The soft sound of pleasure, the look of desire on her face, it nearly overwhelmed him. Schneider had never wanted a woman more than this moment. He threaded his fingers into her curls, tipping her head so he could pepper desperate kisses on her neck. Penelope's eyes drifted shut.

“Schneider?” She barely managed to whisper the question between panted breaths. "Wha-?"

His lips cut her off with another kiss; short-lived as they heard the clatter of footsteps in the hall and sprang apart. She could tell he wanted to say something, was groping for the words, but she escaped into the bathroom. She needed a few minutes to get herself together, catch her breath. The mirror reflected her sparkling eyes and tousled hair back at her, along with the smile she hadn't realized she was wearing.

Whatever that little moment was in the hall it had been confusing, but it had also been hot as hell.

Penelope shook herself, grabbing her brush to tidy her curls. She tried to mentally compose a scolding for Schneider. What was he playing at? Did he think they were gonna be kissing buddies now, friends with benefits or something? As scattered as her thoughts were, she knew that wasn't him. He knew her, knew casual wasn't really her thing. He knew that before she did with Max.

He wasn't playing some game with her, that she had faith in, but she still had questions.

Having gained a measure of composure, she went to greet her family with a round of hugs and kisses and "how was your day?"s. Just as she noticed his absence, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. A text from Schneider.

" _Come up after dinner?_ " It read.

She was used to getting 4-5 abbreviation-filled texts in a row from him but it was just the simple question, not even a single emoji in site. He may as well have said the dreaded phrase "we need to talk" but she appreciated the consideration for her anxiety that he didn't.

She texted back her agreement. He didn't send anything more. Penelope tucked her phone away and managed to make it through dinner without checking it every 5 minutes.

  



	10. Chapter 10

Penelope told herself she wasn't procrastinating as she lingered over the dinner dishes, a little too focused on getting each glass sparkling considering they were cheap plastic cups from Target. But eventually her family drifted to their respective rooms, leaving her alone in the kitchen to push a rag around counters that were already clean. Moving through the living room, she continued to drag her feet, pausing to straighten the afghan on the back of the couch, plumping the throw pillows. Finally she made it to the door where she paused to square her shoulders and make eye contact with herself in the mirror.

Whatever this was, she had a feeling the whole situation between them was finally coming to a head tonight. She was gonna get answers to her questions and one way or another, their friendship was going to be changed.

Which was less scary than she had been worried about, she realized suddenly. Things were always changing and yeah, it often sucked. But life kept moving and, no matter what her depression might tell her on bad days, she was rockin' it. If everything had stayed the same just so she could be comfortable, she never would have gone back to school. Elena would still be in the closet, Alex wouldn't date until he was 30, she wouldn't have to see her boss awkwardly squiring her vivacious mother around town. Basically, none of them would be as happy as they were now as the result of all the changes that seemed so terrifying at the time.

And she may be nervous about everything, that was natural. But she wasn't scared of Schneider hurting her. Not like Victor had.

 

 

Schneider expected to be more nervous than he was. He expected to spend the whole evening pacing his apartment while he waited for her, rehearsing what to say, obsessing over the mood lighting and generally being a walking personification of impatient apprehension. Instead he heard her knock sooner than expected and realized he'd be sitting on the couch lost in thought for no short while.

His palms suddenly damp, he wiped them on is jeans before opening the door.

"Hey, Pen." He greeted her without fanfare; a quiet voice and a warm smile.

For a long moment he just looked at her. His beautiful best friend. He rarely let himself look just for the sake of admiring her. But tonight things might change forever, and Schneider the romantic wanted a clear memory of what she looked like the night everything changed.

He stepped back, holding the door open for her to enter.

Penelope stepped inside. She tucked her hair behind her ears in a nervous gesture but headed right for the couch and sat down. Poised on the edge of the seat with her hands on her thighs, she looked tense and anxious. Schneider felt a moment of misgiving. The last thing he wanted to do was be the catalyst for an anxiety attack. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"So." Penelope spoke up.

There was about a hundred different things he might have expected her to say. Clearly it wasn't easy to decide where to start because she didn't say anything else.

But  _he_ had been the one to ask her to come. He had been the one to throw himself at her. It was on him to take the lead here.

And that actually wasn't scary. This was Penelope, his best friend. The one he could talk to about anything. He still wasn't sure what he was going to say exactly, but the time to sit and think about it was through.

Schneider joined her on the couch. She avoided eye contact but he took another long moment to look at her.  His resolve grew and he smiled.

"Penelope, you're amazing."

She wasn't expecting that and looked at him in surprise, her brow knitting together.

"I'm serious." His smile was wide for the most wonderful woman he knew. "You're incredible. You're smart and fiery and passionate. You were this badass soldier, you're an awesome mom, Dr. B told me you were the best nurse he ever had and now you're the best NP. Not to mention you're beautiful and sexy and a pretty great kisser."

"Schneider..." Again she didn't seem to know what to say. But he knew a blush when he saw one.

"You are. And I'm... well, me." He waved her into silence when she tried to protest the self-deprecating tone of that. He wasn't fishing for compliments, or feeling sorry for himself. Schneider was proud of where he was in life, even if he wasn't proud of some of the places he had been. But he was also honest with himself about his prospects as a potential partner. He was not prime Boyfriend Material.

"I'm me, with everything that goes with it, all the baggage and history. I never seriously considered... you and me, like, as a Thing. Even if I was your type, I didn't think I would be the kind of risk you'd want to take. So everything that's been happening between us, bringing us closer together, it's been confusing." She huffed in agreement with that and he smiled again. "It's also been pretty incredible. I mean, falling in love with your best friend? That's the dream, right? Only when it seemed like it might actually be real... well, I choked. I panicked and ran away from the thing I want most. The person I want most, I mean."

He trailed off awkwardly, smile falling sheepishly and his eyes dropping to his hands where he fidgeted with his ring, spinning it round and round his finger.

 

 

Penelope blinked several times, her mouth hanging open. Schneider had really dived right into the heart of the matter and bared his soul to her. After months of not talking about this thing between them and dancing around each other, the sudden change gave her emotional whiplash.

But she really admired his bravery. And respected his honesty.

It was nice to not have to guess what a guy was thinking, how much he liked her, how serious he was. She had spent a lot of time dancing around things with other guys; too scared to ask the questions she wanted answer to or tell them what she wanted because she wasn't sure if they were willing to give it to her.

She didn't question any of that with Schneider. Schneider gave his whole heart to everything he did. Even the hard stuff, like sobriety. He relapsed but he never gave up trying. No matter how hard things got, or how hard she was on him, he never gave up on her. He was always there for her, and for her family. Nothing had scared him off and she knew he had already weathered worse than she could ever dish out. He had seen her in her lowest moments and still thought she was something special.

Schneider was someone special himself. She didn't deny that, or the important role he had in her life. Making him a bigger part of her life could only make it better.

"How would this even work? Do we really want everything to be different?" she asked.

 

 

Schneider's head shot up, surprised she was actually considering it. He had hoped she would, feared she wouldn't. But her tone wasn't one of objection. This was more like Penelope in problem-solving mode. He privately resolved to do everything he could to never be a problem for her again.

"Would it be so different? Has it even been differently lately? We've been having these little moments for months, things get awkward for a day or two, sure, but then things go back to normal. We went out to dinner, even sucked face a little," he joked, nudging her shoulder with his, "and nothing terrible has happened."

She groaned at his phrasing and rolled her eyes, but he didn't miss the tiny smile. And she didn't deny that he was right. Everything always went back to normal.

"I don't know what you expect from this relationship." It felt presumptuous as hell to be calling it that but that was his endgame here. "But personally, I think we already have something pretty great. I like hanging out with you and la familia. I like coming to dinner and cheering Alex on at his ball games and playing video game with Elena and listening to Lydia's stories about Cuba. I want to keep doing those things... and maybe get to hold your hand while we do them."

He reached out and took her hand, interlocking their fingers and smiling tentatively at her.

Penelope squeezed his hand and returned his smile. Schneider fit so seamlessly into her life. 

"I want that too." Penelope knew it to be true. 

Schneider tried to keep his cool, he really did. But judging by her soft laugh, his expression betrayed him. He was elated. He must look like a kid on Christmas morning. He felt like he'd just gotten the best present ever.

"I don't know what we are going to tell the kids though." The faint hint of worry in her voice couldn't chase the warmth from her eyes.

"We could," he cleared his throat, "keep it on the down-low for a while... if that's what you want."

As soon as he made the suggestion, he regretted it. He didn't want to be her dirty little secret. Not that he would mind the dirty parts. But he was 40 years old and had lived long enough to know that hiding stuff never worked out in the end. Alex and Elena deserved better than half-truths and hidden secrets. He'd do it though if that's what she wanted, for the chance to be with her. Schneider would do just about anything Penelope asked of him.

"Schneider, I'm not going to lie to my kids."

Penelope ignored the fact that she had definitely lied to her kids about dating several times in the past but Schneider didn't forget that. Maybe it was different just because Alex and Elena already knew him so well. But it meant something. Max had sometimes seemed like he was twice the man Schneider could ever be but still Penelope hadn't told her kids about him. But she didn't feel a need to pretend with Schneider. 

"Besides, there is no reason to. Yeah, its probably going to be kinda weird for a while. But you're a good man who treats me well. The kids like you. _Mami_ really likes you. Why would I hide you from them?"

Schneider could barely breathe; his heart felt like it was taking up his entire chest with no room left for his lungs. He sat there dreamily smiling at her for so long that she finally _tsk_ ed and gave their clasped hands a jiggle.

"Kiss me or something already, you _bobo_ ," she teased him, unable to take the tension anymore.

He chuckled. His free hand slid into her curls and Schneider leaned in to dutifully oblige, pressing his lips to hers. _This better not be a dream_ , he thought. He was really looking forward to a future of more kisses like this.

He paused a moment when he felt her smile grow against his lips. When he pulled back, there was a glint in her eye.

"You realize you just told me you're in love with me, right? Isn't that kinda fast on the L-word for a man who used to forget a girl's name before she was even in the Uber?"

Schneider froze, mentally reviewing everything he had said. Yeah, sure, he loved Penelope but he hadn't planned on saying it this early in the game. Scaring her off by coming on too strong too soon was not what he was going for.

 

But Penelope wasn't scared. She was more amused by his accidental confession. She knew he cared about her and that whatever words had come out of his mouth, they were free of pressure or obligation. He spoke his truth, didn't shy away from his feelings, and she loved that about him.

She may not be ready to say it herself yet. (It _was_ early. They hadn't even had a real date yet, not one that was actually planned for them) But she could _show_ him that the feelings were mutual.

Penelope grinned and pulled the slightly dumbfounded man back to her before he could come up with any words. Whatever response he might have come up with, she chased it away with her kiss. All words left both their minds as Schneider wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close against him. She sighed, in contentment and sensual surrender, her hands settling on his chest as her tongue sought his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN - possible follow-up chapter to come of them telling the family or having a real first date or just making out a bunch and talking about their feelings, but no promises.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [i can’t believe you get to me the way you do somehow](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18591919) by [confessionofaking](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confessionofaking/pseuds/confessionofaking)




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